Relationships take work. That’s probably not that shocking to a lot of people. We might all be taught that once you find the right person, everything will slot into place and it’s all perfect from then on. But most of us know that that’s simply not the case. Relationships take time, effort and work to be able to function properly. And sometimes it can feel like the work that you’re putting in isn’t being balanced by the good stuff you’re both getting out of it. It can make you wonder why you’re even putting in that effort at all. If you’re in that position, it can be really difficult to figure out what to do. Here are a few things that you can try if your relationship is on the rocks.

Try to talk it through

This is not the same as arguing about things. Take some time, sit down and make sure to have a calm conversation about what it is that’s bothering you. Make sure that you really listen to what each other has to say. Many people just spend their time waiting to talk instead of really listening. But if you do that you might miss how your partner is really feeling. Be ready to accept that your partner might say things that you disagree with but make sure that you don’t get defensive or angry, arguing isn’t going to solve anything. Just listen and see if you can reach the root cause of your problems together.

Take some time apart

Before hiring a divorce lawyer, try taking some time away from each other. When you’re in a committed relationship, it can sometimes feel as though you’re losing a piece of your own life. It can feel stifling and restrictive. By taking some time apart, you can remind yourselves that you’re both individuals with your own lives. Then you can come back to each other with a fresh perspective that you can bring to the relationship. It’s also a good way to find out if the desire to pull away actually lasts when you’re not around your partner anymore, or if it’s just something that comes out during a heated argument. Whether you stay in contact is up to you, some couples find it better to be totally separate for that time while others prefer to keep at least a little bit of contact.

Consider counseling

Talking through your problems is extremely important, but it can be very difficult to see a way to solve them when you’re in the thick of it. In couple’s counseling, you’re able to bring in an unbiased third party who is professionally trained to help you get to the root of why you’re unhappy. Ninety-seven percent of couples have said that they got the help they needed from couples counseling. The presence and environment of a counselor can prevent discussions falling apart into yet another argument.